So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I lost the right to judge tonight
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
