i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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