I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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