as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
