Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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