Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
