Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
