I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
