They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
