wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
