If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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