you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
