it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
