no, he came in my armpit
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
