We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
