Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
