as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
