i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
