He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
