so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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