i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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