1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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