I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
