That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
