You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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