I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
