It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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