He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
