Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
