You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
