yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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