I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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