Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize