So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
