Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
