im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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