Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
