so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
