On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
