I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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