fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
