My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
