the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
