WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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