if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
