your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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