This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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