does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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