Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
