A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
