So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So many bounce houses so little time
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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