please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
