someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
