We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
