I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize