i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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