I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So. Much. Porn.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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