So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
