so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
