made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
