i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sorry about my life...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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