you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just want to make out with him forever
i am craving dick and cupcakes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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