Well douche your snatch and let's go!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
