guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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