I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
