I wish life had little blips of pornography
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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