have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
