Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
