when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he shaved USA in his pubs
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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