Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
