Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
