I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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