We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
