Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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