Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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