do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
