I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
