so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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