What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The feeling are messing with the penis
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
