If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
