u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
