i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
