I don't usually arrange sex via text message
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
