I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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