so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
