My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
