Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
