They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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