How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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