Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
