We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize